The fashion decisions of the average baseball fan are strange and difficult ones to make. Not only must one select the proper cap with which to express their allegiance, whether to a town, team, or time period, but if they go with a player jersey, they must express themselves through someone else’s name.
While we can all agree that getting your own name on the back of your jersey is cute (if you’re under 10), or repugnant (if you’re over 10), your choice of player jersey says a lot about you as a human being.
So, what does your jersey say about you?
Matt Wieters - You have wallpapered your house in Wieters facts and will engage anyone in the value of good defense behind the plate.
Manny Machado - You are a futurist, constantly pushing for brighter days.
BJ Surhoff - You are my best friend though we haven’t met yet.
Boston Red Sox:
Dustin Pedroia - You’ve shanked a man after a particularly brutal game of Monopoly.
Alfredo Aceves - “Yeah, I sweat a lot. What’s it to you?”
Bobby Valentine - You are a member of Bobby Valentine’s family.
New York Yankees:
Curtis Granderson - You love home runs, high socks, and women with long legs and brains.
CC Sabathia - You’re not fat, you’re big boned.
Nick Swisher - You’re the guy who always overstays your welcome.
Tampa Bay Rays:
Evan Longoria/David Price - You like good baseball and you don’t care who knows it.
Ben Zobrist - You value versatility like nothing else.
Kyle Farnsworth - Two beers in and you’re ready for a brawl.
Toronto Blue Jays:
Jose Bautista - You have a beard and drink juice. And think that home runs should only be hit to left field.
Omar Vizquel - You value wisdom from our elders and think fans should play roughly the same amount of baseball as bench players.
Any Blue Jays Pitcher from 2012 - You’re a sadomasochist, one whose perversions border on illegal.
"I love good baseball and I don’t care who knows it."